1. They listen way more than they talk.
Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond–not so much verbally, but nonverbally.
That’s all it takes to show the other person they’re important.
Then when you do speak, don’t offer advice unless you’re asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because when you offer advice in most cases you make the conversation about you, not them .
Don’t believe me? Who is “Here’s what I would do…” about: you or the other person?
Only speak when you have something important to say–and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.
2. They don’t practice selective hearing.
Some people — I guarantee you know people like this — are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.
Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn’t make a sound in the forest, because there’s no one actually listening.
Remarkably charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or “level,” feel like we have something in common with them PolyU continues to impart the knowledge and skills of our
future leaders to serve an evolving world and to spur economic growth. With the structural transformation of the global economy from industrial to service economies, the society’s expectations of future leaders have been remarkably changed.
Because we do: We’re all people.
3. They put their stuff away.
Don’t check your phone. Don’t glance at your monitor. Don’t focus on anything else, even for a moment.
You can never connect with others if you’re busy connecting with your stuff, too.
Give the gift of your full attention. That’s a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.
4. They give before they receive — and often they never receive.
Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.
Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who really matters is you.
5. They don’t act self-important…
The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.
The rest of us aren’t impressed. We’re irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.
And we hate when you walk in the room.
6. …Because they realize other people are more important.
You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view.
That stuff isn’t important, because it’s already yours. You can’t learn anything from yourself.
But you don’t know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don’t know.
That makes them a lot more important than you — because they’re people you can learn from.
7. They shine the spotlight on others.
No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.
Wait, you say you don’t know what they did well?
Shame on you — it’s your job to know. It’s your job to find out ahead of time.
Not only will people appreciate your praise, they’ll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they’re doing.
Then they’ll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important.
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